Maybe This is Why

So, it's hard to believe that I have been at my current job for over a year! Although everyday goes by incredibly slow, the year, as a whole, has flown. For any of you who don't know, I work at a very small company that has absolutely nothing to do with my degree. Though, I love the people I work for, and perhaps they have been all that has kept me here, I really don't like my job. It's not that I don't like what we do, in fact, when I actually have something to do, I enjoy it! The problem is just that. I have NOTHING to do! Seriously. I am here 8 hours a day, and on a good day the phone will ring on average 5 times. On a really really good day the calls are more than sales calls, wrong numbers, or automated messages (I hate those!). Every now and then I'll have a day that requires something of me, but I would say that out of the entire year + I have been here I have a had about 2 weeks worth (not consecutive days) of busy time. I find myself wondering how I am still here, how I have LET myself still work here. I am constantly thinking, I know I am too smart to sit here and waste my days! (or at least I used to be, before all of my brain cells started dying off from boredom!) Here is a quick rundown of my daily activities:

I get here at 8:30
make coffee
check my work e-mail (usually just deleting junk mail)
check my personal e-mail
check facebook
read every blog I know of
check my bank account
check out the organizational tip of the day at MarthaStewart.com
Do the USA Today crossword (I'm getting pretty good!)
Check facebook again (I know, I'm so lame)
Check my bank account again
go to the bathroom (even if I don't have to go, just to get out of my chair)
read wikipedia (any article really. one day i read about Scientology for 4 hours! those people are nuts!)
oh! the phone just rang! Yes! better answer it! crap, they hung up...
eat lunch
etc. etc. etc.

you get the point. So anyway, the other day, one of my co-workers, he is from India, and and nominal Muslim sent me an IM telling me that I said something to him a couple of months ago that left a really great impact on him, and he just wanted to say thank you. I don't know what I said, and he said he couldn't repeat it, because it wasn't really one comment it was whole conversation. He and I have had some really great conversations, (conversations with people here are about the only thing that keeps me sane) and they usually revolve around faith or God, and the beliefs we had in common. We have never really had a conversation where I attempted to "witness" to him in a traditional sense. We just talk very openly and honestly in a completely non-threatening and non persuasive way. Understand, this has been completely intentional on my part. I have never once looked for an opportunity or hoped for one where I could tell him that his whole family is wrong and that Jesus is the only way. I simply shared my life with him, and allowed him to share his life with me. I do recall expressing to him that the reason I have picked Jesus is because I simply can't find anything better, and because it is the only way I know I can wake up each morning and not feel guilty. (Selfish, perhaps, but true.)
Anyway, I don't know what it was that I said, or did exactly, but he said

"it was the most human thing that any one has ever said to me. The most profound- one human to another thing. I don't know how to explain it."

Then we went on after that to talk about grace and forgiveness.

I am not writing all of this to brag about whatever "brilliant" thing I said, who knows when, but I am writing this because I have struggled. I have struggled and struggled this year to find my place, my direction, my purpose. I have wrestled with God and asked him what on earth I am doing here wasting my time. I have pleaded to be used and to have a purpose. And all the while, I felt like God said nothing! I hate feeling useless more than anything in the world, and that has made this year, and this place, and this job, nearly unbearable for me! But yesterday I was told this, that I made a difference. That God used me. It may have been just this one time and in this whole year, but if that is the case, IT'S WORTH IT! If I have only been here so that one person might experience the love and the grace of Jesus Christ, then its all worth it.

My friend knows the struggle it's been for me to be here with nothing to do (he has a real job and is very busy) So I said to him:

"well maybe that's why i work here!
so that one time, i could have been sitting in your office talking with you, saying something that i didn't know would mean something to someone else. I'm glad I don't know what I said to you, because it keeps me humble. I believe that God does stuff like that, speaks through people when they don't know. Because most of the time we're all bumbling idiots, but every once in a while he uses us for something good in spite of ourselves."

It's a relief to know that God has already forgiven me for questioning His plan.